Tiny Reflections

I hate my home phone. I received this set of phones for a Christmas gift last year and have had to put up with such nonsense for almost a year now. I plan on looking for a new set to purchase when the holiday sales start coming around and I can find one at a good price, most likely found on the Internet. Lord knows I can’t stand shopping with all of the other holiday shoppers and online shopping is the way to go for me these days.

I don’t use my home phone that often, but when I do I want the best and this set just isn’t doing the trick for me.

I have just started watching a great reality show on The Animal Planet Channel called Pit Bulls and Parolees. It is about a woman, a single mom, who is running a Pit Bull rescue, with an average of 200 dogs being cared for and that only hires parolees to help out with all the work that running the country’s largest Pit Bull rescue. It really is an awesome show that I would urge anyone to watch if they get the chance.

I’ve seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a great time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause will be . . .. Puhleeeeeeeze! I’ve had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you. Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing your luck), you’ll probably relate.

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around..

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, ‘Listen, honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too..’

Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we’re sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, cell phone carrying teenager and think, ‘For this I have stretch marks?’

In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is water.

Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally–more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin

Mid-life means that you become more reflective. You start pondering the ‘big’ questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it’s no longer a healthy choice?

But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand, and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now, for the body you had way back when? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we’ve acquired. That’s my philosophy and I’m sticking to it!

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

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BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

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CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

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CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

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COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

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DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

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EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

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HANDKERCHIEF: Cold storage.

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INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

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MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

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RAISIN: Grape with sunburn.

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SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

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SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

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TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

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TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

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YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

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WRINKLES: Something other people have, similar to my character lines.

These $209 million dollars are the value of fireworks imported from China in 2009, representing the bulk of all U.S. fireworks imported. By comparison, the U.s. exported $42.9 in fireworks. – The United Arab Emirates bought more than any other country: $14.5 million.

I also found out the you can buy a flag that’s been flown over the Capitol. You only need to make a request through your senator or representative. A Certificate of Authenticity is issued by the Architect of the Capitol with each flag flown. Prices range from $13.25 up to $22.55,  plus shipping and handling of course. Not a bad price for a flag, that is something that I want to check into and see about purchasing one.

These are just some of the facts that I’ve been reading about the 4th of July, Independence Day that we here in America celebrate each year.